This is my 3rd attempt to post. What’s up with that. I already know, I want to post something that I want, but it is not what is given in my prayer and there is no getting around it – obviously.
I, me, Jacki wanted to post about the tongue; it is coming soon, just not today.
So here it is, transparency 101
Yesterday, while sitting in church, I was given an assignment and to publish it – #feelingvunerable and provide it as an example for you in and on your journey.
Dear Pain,
You have been a part of me for so long, that I have accepted you as a part of me, without question. I have allowed you privileges that had I just stopped, paused and prayed, God would, by love, removed, resolved, filled me, But I accepted, held on and thus lived with you unconditionally.
As a child I began to hold in, what a simple question, would have resolved, but I did not ask. Even though my mother taught me to pray and told me that with God all things are possible, I did not understand. As a teen, I looked at my world and began the process of I can’t, I won’t, not because I couldn’t, but I allowed fear to become my friend and as an adult, we became one and the same.
Those fears became comfortable , an excuse to defer dreams and to settle sometimes to abuse from others as well as abuse of self. I did, Thank God, removed myself from physical abuse, but I stayed in an abusive relationship with me!
I abused me by hiding my pain, through over eating, shopping, not being a good steward over anything God blessed me with; for me this abuse was so prevalent because it manifested physical illness, thyroid, diabetes, heart disease, bouts of depression, bound up, and it all comes down to not fully embracing our God, our Lord, our Savior, Jesus Christ. Dry bones, can they live?
By God’s, grace, prayers of my mother and father, family prayers, your and finally mine, Pain, you no longer are a comfortable friend, in fact, you are not my friend at all.
You see as a small child, I attended Sunday School with my Aunt Helen, and the superintent Mr. Busey, always,always, sang ” What a Friend We have in Jesus”. I know every word and in my worst, God would bring that song into my being. I didn’t know then, but God was not going to force anything, God was being sober and diligent in keeping the promises that were made upon the creation of this earth, creation of me and you as the reader.
Pain, you were never that; your goal is only to inflict, gouge and destroy and leave helpless and now I see that with eyes wide open, wounded, but healing, FOUND. I have now embraced Your helper -Holy Spirit. Without embracing, I could never have begun the healing process, believed in the gifts, and most importantly physical healing.
I now fully believe, even when I falter, even when I fail, I believe because God you are Glorious!
My sisters I have shared me and yes, I did shed for you to see even feeling vulnerable to share my struggles (come on God, really, my other post would have been just fine – That’s love, huh), please, write your letter and remember and commit these words to your soul from Martha Munizzi’s song Glorious ” I was created to make Your praise Glorious. Yes I was, yes I was.”
Rev. Jacki
