Day 25 – What shall I do? I apologize for the lateness of this devotional. That is a real and intense question for me today and it includes what can I live with? This situation requires effectual and fervent prayer. The way I understand this verse from James is that I must pray with passion and intensity. It is not to just simply go through the motions of prayer, because really that is not the only element – for it is the prayers of a righteous person that are effective. So daily, I am asking God to search me and create in me a clean heart.
Transparency is also required. By being open about my weaknesses with you as well as God, influences how effective my and if you employ the same, our prayer lives will be effective in any situation.
These past 24 days have been preparation for me to be in prayer, to listen for that small still voice and only move when God says move. With that come questions from me.
While, I am prepared, am I ready? I have identified those tapes that can play, but am I strong enough to not allow them to turn up the volume? Will I become fearful and give control over to my emotions that have been with me ever so long? Will I try to write the end of the story? I am stepping out on faith in this matter, or am I?
Right now, I hear the ifs and I am saying “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. Even so, I will defend my own ways before Him.” (Job 13:15) because I must accept what God allows. And this is hard; I am being transparent. I have the “why”, “If then”,. Maaaaaaaan thoughts What I don’t have is anger or rage and that is huge for me.
I remembered that our sister Esther said, “if I perish, I perish!” So I had a talk with her and she reminded me before she even uttered that statement, she got with her sisters, fasted and prayed. Was she up for it or did she have doubts? Well yeah, her uncle Mordecai was not subtle in his approach and she was in the palace under false pretenses.
God asked Ezekiel ” will these dry bones live” and through Ezekiel faith, God reconnected and recalibrated the nation – Can these bones live?
So my MPC sisters will you pray for and with me as I need an answer from the Lord, a plan. I need to be clear that it is from God and then I need to do it!
I know now that although I did not want to write and surely not publish my letter to pain; pulling out stuff I was not even aware of how I was processing it. And publishing it as a devotional is part of God’s plan for such a time of this.
I need Thee, oh, I need Thee; Every hour I need Thee; Oh, bless me now, my Savior! I come to Thee. I need you my sisters as well to be with me as Esther’s were.
Rev. Jacki
